You know what I am talking about…. As soon as your race is around the corner, you fear everything.

Every stair case is a lethal trap, every meal is suicidal adventure, and getting sick is… your worst nightmare.

I read this bit once from this Magill’s article in RW and it really stuck with me:

I was thinking of that when I read Nick Symmonds post today about the same fears… “I could not have asked for a better final workout going into this World Championships, but despite this, I will spend the next 24 hours trying to suppress my fears. What if I get tripped in the race? What if my spikes break? What if I get food poisoning tonight?  Each time a thought like this pops into my scatter-brain, I re-play the wise words of my sports psychologist, Jeff Troesch: “It is much more likely that your race will be ruined due to expending energy on needless fretting, than due to any of those events actually occurring.” 

So… I realize running might be making us look like hypochondriacs…  I, of course, think that is normal.

Now, with an ulcer, pills that make me dizzy and weak, and directions NOT TO RUN, I get the “worry about getting better first” from everyone when all I can think about is how I am not gonna make it to my goal marathon (Mohawk-Hudson in October 13).

So, being sick SUCKS. Being SICK when you’re on a schedule, sucks double. I can’t just not think about it!!!

I get it though. I do. I need to put my health first. And I try my best. It is not easy. I am wired to go run when I DO NOT WANT TO. When it’s cold, when I am tired, when I have better things to do. So, giving up something I like and I do even when I don’t like it so much, is not easy.

Also, not running makes me feel like not I am not myself. Like I can’t choose, like I can’t have the life I want. And I miss the endorphins. Even if everything else in my life is perfect, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate fully without the clarity that running gives my brain, and the elation feeling I get in my body.

Even worse, when I feel bad, I need my runs more. So, it’s not easy to stay put, to focus on healing, giving up my hobby without a fight.

On the other hand, I am not stoopid. I will sit, focus on healing and getting better (and stop being so dizzy and weak, for Pre’s sake!!), try to be smart and have plans B, C and D for marathons in November, December, January… for whenever I can start training. Just don’t expect me to not care about when I’ll be back running, OKAY?