Well, so showing up is half the battle they say, right? I showed up. I did wake up super early (not a shocker there really) and then walked around asking myself if I REALLY wanted to go. Then, I asked Juan. I also asked the mirror. I couldn’t really find a better reason than

• you didn’t run yesterday
• Patricia will be at the race so you won’t have anyone to run with if you skip the race
• you’re coaching right after so just get out already and stop the putzing!

As I said in my last post (and any post really for the last two years approximately, give or take), my running is really up and down. I have good days and bad days. Pretty much my heart rate blows up (caused by hormones) so I never really feel like my legs are working, I just can’t push hard enough. I miss the feeling of legs flying under you or your lungs pumping… I just haven’t been able to get to that point. So I haven’t PRed in 2 years, and I know exactly when it happened and why. No worries, my doctor is ON IT. Fingers crossed. Also, nothing too serious to worry about, it just has to get figured out!

So I did go. Just like last year, I met Melissa on the bus by chance, we then saw four A trains go by us and finally a C train stopped, we met Tammy on the train and we got there just in time to not freeze. I was actually frozen before the gun, even though I got in the corral at the last second. We got moving and forgot all about my watch, so according to my watch, I run a 2 mile 5K ok?

One mile in, I was SO HOT. Oh and my heart rate was already up. Like UP. So, I took the gloves and the buff off, and settled on a comfy rhythm. Why drive harder if it ain’t there? You can say I gave up, I’d say I just decided to have as good a time as I could. Why not? I saw my HR… my legs just couldn’t do much more… I like this race, mostly on the way back. It’s an incredible location for a 5K, I’d recommend it to anyone. The course is amazing, great bands playing, locals and teams cheering, the Forty Tryons views and The Cloisters… magical! So, Liz, look up.

I could see Patricia up, about 30 meters ahead, but decided to not bother. I never can catch up to her anyway and she has a mortal kick. I assumed I would have none today (I ended up racing a bit faster at the end so we finished very close). But really, I need to REALLY focus on WHY I do this. 20 seconds or 2 minutes, or 5 minutes doesn’t change what running does for me, so why do I still care? It’s like it’s my careers and if I don’t place I don’t eat… I get the same brunch whether it takes me 20 minutes or 30 minutes. Yes, of course, I’d like to keep getting faster at any distance forever. Is that possible? After a certain age, no. Maybe I am already there. Maybe things will get better. I’d LOVE to feel strong, that I really care about. But if the alternative is to stop, then.. that would be stooopid. Running is part of my life, my well-being, my personality, my social time, my fun time… I can’t give it up. So why not just enjy it for what it is NOW? Right? live in the present they say… well THAT is where I am.

so my watch only recorded the last two miles, because I couldn’t care enough to remember to start it, so here is some data. As you can see that’s a lovely heart rate of 181… my cadence is still a killer though!

Stats Time!