I’ve lost it ALL. Goodbye Running.

May12

It’s been weeks, emm, months of this and it’s time I do something about it:  I’ve lost all will to run. Seriously. I just don’t want to anymore.

I feel a bit guilty about this, but just around 10% guilty. And it’s only because I can’t eat the way I like, the sleeping won’t be as great and all the other stuff that doesn’t work as well when you’re not a runner (HOW DO NON-RUNNERS DO IT?!?!!?! it’s crazy.) For so long I thought that running was MY LIFE, turns out, it isn’t. Personality Crisis Alert!

I did a 10k on Saturday, after having done just 4 miles in the 7 days before, and it sucked. I had no interest in even showing up to the race, even just to run it at a leisurely pace. Zero zero interest. Not even to just get it over with. I did not want to go. I did it slow, 4 minutes slower than the 10K I did 4 weeks ago, and 7 minutes slower than my year-old PR. Physically, I had nothing. Mentally, even less.

I haven’t felt like running in months and just now I am acknowledging it. It has caught up to me.

I have no excuse to stop running. I haven’t had an injury in years now. I just don’t want to.

The weather is nice and I am just going to box my sneakers for now until I feel like coming back. I am signed up for Brooklyn Half this weekend and I might run it, just to eat at Nathan’s and the picnic on the other end. I am also signed up for the Mini 10K. We’ll see. Maybe I get my mojo back soon. Maybe not.

For now, I am giving up and not even trying to force myself anymore (I don’t think that’s helping). If I go back, it’s just for the only reason I always run, because I want to and because I love it. I’ve never been the type to force myself to do anything I didn’t like and it’s time I face this. I am not enjoying it. I said it.

Will be doing all the stuff that seems fun to me know. If you see me running, good. If not, I am being happy with something else.

53 thoughts on “I’ve lost it ALL. Goodbye Running.”

  2. I’m right there with you. I’ve taken a TRUE break and it’s been glorious. I’ve discovered a lot of other activities to fill in for running and it’s been a lot of fun. I’m playing on a soccer team, taking a boot camp, and riding my bike. I ran the NYCM and since then have averaged about 10 miles a week – just not into it… Maybe it’ll come back, maybe not but you hit the nail on the head – you should do it because you want to! Good luck with getting the mojo back – I’m still off the wagon of running as well…

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    • And i was so scared to share this… there’s so many of us out there… So, when did you start feeling like this and how long had you been running consistently for before that?

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      • Definitely good to let it out. My latest blog post addresses just this: http://www.bridgesrunner.com/?p=1717. It just feels like a chore vs fun. I’ve been off running since really after NYCM last year. I’ve gone a full month of not running and haven’t missed it one lick. I wish I could say I’m looking forward to running again but I’m not. I’m running Brooklyn on Saturday but I have my last boot camp the day before so I’m pretty certain it’ll be a tough go. It’s ok. All I can say is you can’t force it – and I’m not going to – life is too short to miss out on other things in life. That’s where I am right now. When and if running comes back, I’ll go with it. For now, you’ll find me elsewhere 🙂

        I’m looking forward to seeing what you decide to do with your time. There’s so many fun activities…

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        • ah, yes!!!!! I remember reading that post!!!!! But was so entrenched in going through Boston Marathon that i couldn’t acknowledge what I felt… My issue is all I like to do is running and my life revolves around it completely! so, having a little personality crisis but, hoping it comes back soon, and trying to see if there is any other sports to get into. so far (I am almost 40) I don’t like anything else!!!!

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      • You know how I feel about this… do what you love when you love it so you don’t resent it later! The roads aren’t going anywhere, except for wherever you take them to when you run. 🙂

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  3. Sometimes so much racing loses the love of the sport, and you haven’t head easy training lately for big races. I had to pull back b/c I lost the love of it (then over did it and now injured, go figure) but there’s running to be healthy, and running to race. it’s finding that really tough balance.

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    • that too. The last few months were a lot of trying to get somehow ready to do some marathon I had signed up for (NYCM 2013, Boston 2014) and failing miserable. All running was a chore to get back in shape for some race.
      Besides stopping the racing, I have to stop completely and start from scratch!

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  5. Maybe running was your life but now your life has changed. It is OK! You should only do it if you want to and like it. And it’s perfectly OK not to like it anymore.

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  6. Sometimes that’s what we need…just a break. When you aren’t enjoying it anymore and you have to force yourself to do it, then you know it’s time to take a step back. When you’re ready your shoes will be waiting for you in that box and you know what? Running MAY even feel better:)

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  7. I totally could have written this post-I lost my running mojo after my fall marathon-and the polar vortex didn’t really help matters much either. I too am running Brooklyn, but only for the “beach party” at the end…not expecting a great time at all as I’m not trained 🙂 I’m signed up for NYCM this fall and wondering how smart of a decision that was…

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  8. I feel the same way about once a year :). I’m definitely a seasonal runner (Sept-May) and always lose interest when it’s hot out. When I’m not running I play tennis, go on walks, bike and do other things that I enjoy. I always go back to running and when I do it feels fun again and not like a chore that is scheduled. If it’s not making you happy then you should definitely do something else that does!

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    • Yes, will do. I hate running in the winter, but I always do it. So I can’t blame the weather for it… I can’t blame not having a goal as I was signed up for Boston… i have no excuses, just a lack of desire. Being a seasonal runner is ok, don’t feel bad about it, at least you know what works for you! I wish i knew right now!

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  9. Good luck with discovering the adventures to fill your void! I just started running- and I use that term loosely. You were one of the inspirations to get me going! I appreciate your blog and insight to my new hobby. There are so many other things out there that are exciting! I do hope you return to running, in the meantime enjoy what makes you happy!

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  10. I think you might just be burnt out from all the training and racing. Stop racing for a while. When you feel like running again, leave the watch at home. Just go out for a couple miles in the early morning, just to watch the sun rise. Or find a non-technical trail (so you don’t fall) and just get lost in your own thoughts for a while. Go volunteer at an ultra race somewhere and cheer on some runner-friends. I think you’ll be back. The love is there. It just needs to be re-awakened.

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  11. You know what’s best for you… you’re a person/individual first, a runner second. It doesn’t have to define you. Maybe a break will bring the love back!

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  15. ah, plenty of other things in life that are awesome too. i’ve been in and out of running in the past. i love it now, but about a year ago i suddenly started taking an interest in climbing and forgot all about running. the worst thing you can do is to keep forcing yourself. if you don’t feel like running and you force yourself to go out there and 10 minutes in your run you’re loving it, then it’s a whole different game. but 8 months… try something else 😉

    and if you ever feel like running again, you’re welcome 😉

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  19. Que pena leer que no vas a correr mas, esperemos que sea temporal y regreses a correr.
    Hay que tomárselo como lo que “es” un deporte, donde a uno le encanta mejorar, pero uno tiene que entender que uno es un “ser normal” que no se dedica al running como un trabajo y no vive de esto y que lo primero es divertirse, pasarla bien con los amigos, disfrutar y si haces un buen tiempo en una carrera mejor y a disfrutar mas.
    Mis tiempos año a año van empeorando, por ejemplo este fin de semana corri los 21K de Rosario en 1:32:29, exactamente 1 minuto mas lento que los 21K de Buenos Aires del 2012 y bastante mas lento que mi PB de un excelente y que capaz que nunca vuelva a repetirse 2010, donde hice mis PB en 21 y 42. Esta bien que esta vez venia de correr hacia un mes los 42K de Santiago de Chile, que estuve comiendo un par de asados dos dias antes de correr, que mi hija no me dejo dormir muy bien las ultimas noches, que había humedad el día de la carrera, pero podría ser no mas que otra excusa que ponemos los corredores.
    Lo cierto es que mis tiempos empeoran últimamente, a pesar de entrenar con un entrenador y cuando hice mis PB corría por mi cuenta, lo importante es que cada vez disfruto mas de correr y me divierto mas con el gran grupo de amigos del running con quienes salimos de viaje, comemos asados, salimos a entrenar, nos metemos en la montaña y por sobre todo disfrutamos de nuestra amistad. Ojala pueda volver a hacer PB!
    Hay que pensar en eso, el running no es el fin sino un medio.
    Espero que te vuelvan las ganas de correr en algún momento!!!

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  20. It’s easy for me to idolize running, let it take over my life, and then what is meant to be healthy becomes unhealthy–for ME and my family. I still mostly enjoy running, but admit sometimes I do it for FOMO. You help and comfort so many people with your gift for honesty, humor and humility. I’m just so grateful I got to meet you before you packed your shoes away! God bless whatever you do, and I pray your blog doesn’t go away.

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    • Thanks Diana… it’s so funny how after ten years this is the first time I felt like this and since posting this I hear EVERYONE has felt it more or less or at some time or another. Who knows… hopefully it’ll come back…! at least I hope so!

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