It’s been weeks, emm, months of this and it’s time I do something about it: I’ve lost all will to run. Seriously. I just don’t want to anymore.
I feel a bit guilty about this, but just around 10% guilty. And it’s only because I can’t eat the way I like, the sleeping won’t be as great and all the other stuff that doesn’t work as well when you’re not a runner (HOW DO NON-RUNNERS DO IT?!?!!?! it’s crazy.) For so long I thought that running was MY LIFE, turns out, it isn’t. Personality Crisis Alert!
I did a 10k on Saturday, after having done just 4 miles in the 7 days before, and it sucked. I had no interest in even showing up to the race, even just to run it at a leisurely pace. Zero zero interest. Not even to just get it over with. I did not want to go. I did it slow, 4 minutes slower than the 10K I did 4 weeks ago, and 7 minutes slower than my year-old PR. Physically, I had nothing. Mentally, even less.
I haven’t felt like running in months and just now I am acknowledging it. It has caught up to me.
I have no excuse to stop running. I haven’t had an injury in years now. I just don’t want to.
The weather is nice and I am just going to box my sneakers for now until I feel like coming back. I am signed up for Brooklyn Half this weekend and I might run it, just to eat at Nathan’s and the picnic on the other end. I am also signed up for the Mini 10K. We’ll see. Maybe I get my mojo back soon. Maybe not.
For now, I am giving up and not even trying to force myself anymore (I don’t think that’s helping). If I go back, it’s just for the only reason I always run, because I want to and because I love it. I’ve never been the type to force myself to do anything I didn’t like and it’s time I face this. I am not enjoying it. I said it.
Will be doing all the stuff that seems fun to me know. If you see me running, good. If not, I am being happy with something else.