Complete Lack of Motivation

Two afternoons ago I got home and they bf had great plans to go out. I said ‘Uffffff, I have to run“.

I hadn’t run in two days. I had to. It’s work now some days. And I have to because if not I will put on more weight and then my clothes won’t fit. And that is important because they’re irreplaceable.

Since the NYC Half, I have zero goals. I wrote about this a few weeks ago: I have nothing to aim for. I am very happy with my PRs as they are and probably my problem are my ultra-low expectations. I never thought I’d do a 3:27 marathon, I still barely believe it today. Because I don’t believe I can, I don’t train seriously, I don’t expect to do well, so when I do I am always surprised and happy. And shooting for even faster seems like I’d be pushing it, because I’ve been ” very lucky” so far. So I just run and hope for the best. Then it happens and it seems like a miracle.

Could I possibly lower my PRs? Sure! By a lot? who knows? Do I care to try? NO. I am just gonna run for fun and hope for the best as usual.

That is where the training motivation (the one that makes you wake up early and do speedwork) dies. And on a run yesterday I figured out why now it is worse than ever.

#1. My training partners abandoned me. I am suffering from TP Melancholia. I am!! It’s a real disease and you know it!! After 4 years of training with Blaise, he’s moving to Brooklyn!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. That sucks (for me). And Patricia is pregnant. It’ll take her a few months to get back up to speed, if she ever has time with the baby stuff.

I feel I had been pushing myself hard just so I could keep training with those two. I was always the slowest and my fear of them saying “you’re too slow, you are slowing us down” was always super motivating. And now, that’s gone. (I am SO tragic, I know!)

#2. I am way to happy with everything in my life. Seriously, everything is peachy. So, no hunger, nothing to prove, no one to impress or get back at, no stress or sadness to throw myself in the runs… Yeah, big first world problems!

So, two nights ago, after putzing around for over an hour, chitchatting with the bf, he ordered me out. I forced my running gear on, dragged myself out to the park, whined a bit, then did 6x800s, just to show myself!!! Then did some drills too.

Please tell me I am an idiot and so self-indulgent and snap me back into place. Please. For now,  I am sticking with Fake it until you make it.

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33 thoughts on “Complete Lack of Motivation

  1. It’s hard to stay motivated all the time! I think we’ve all been there at some point — multiple points ha ha! I find it interesting that you don’t want to train because you don’t believe. I have a weird thing where I WILL train but I probably don’t believe and inevitably will find a way to sabotage my races (staying up too late, drinking too much the night before, not properly fueling/hydrating/etc., not warming up properly, etc……I’m creative with my subconscious ways to screw up a race). Maybe you need a goal race to work toward!

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    • I do have a goal race!! I have a marathon in the Fall. And I do think you’re right, we can’t be motivated 100 of the time and i think I needed a break from all this racing. I do the opposite you do, I train like crap but really prepare! haha!

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  2. You’ll be glad later on in the year that you stuck it out and worked hard over the summer. Besides, you inspire so many people here. You can’t give up now. 🙂

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  3. It’s great that you had training partners that motivated you, but you can totally do it on your own or find new training partners. You seem to be running into all sorts of local runners whenever you go out. You know EVERYBODY, if you want new training partners, I’m sure you’ll find some.

    Also, all you need is that kick in the pants to get outdoors. You know once you’re out there, you love the run. 😉

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  4. I haven’t been running long enough to know what this is like- except for a couple tiny little funks. But having life be “peachy” is not a bad thing!!
    Kick butt in that 5k!

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  5. ok maybe you should turn it around and run with slower people (me, me, me:) and you can go fast and I’ll struggle to keep up and we’ll be both be happy. Maybe I’ll finally get that marathon pr! I got enough motivation to share!

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  6. I think it is natural to go through highs and lows in motivation. Be patient, be HAPPY, and soon enough your motivation will return. If you “force” yourself to get out there too much, you will be downright miserable when your marathon training starts up. Allow yourself a bit of a mental break!

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  7. Stop being an idiot and so self-indulgent. Just kidding, stop being so dramatic 🙂 It’s a gorgeous day, you live in a vibrant place, get out there and take it all in. The challenge will find you soon enough, stop focusing on it.

    One thing to remember, when the challenge does finds you, will you be in the shape to embrace it? Or will you regret that you’ve dulled your edge in the meantime and then let the challenge pass.

    That was my attempt, hope I wasn’t a dick. I hope you get out there and just remember what it’s like to run for the simple joy of being able to.

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    • Whaaaaat???? Jk!
      I hear myself saying those words and I want to slap myself but also I think it is okay to feel unmotivated once every little while. And as stupid as it all sounds I also think it’s worth sharing it because this happens to everybody and I think it’s good to know that we’re not the only ones.
      I will be back on the course in no time, I think I just needed a little time off from training. Summer racing can do that to my head.

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  8. Pingback: Happiness is Your Biggest Enemy | runningandthecity

  9. Pingback: 2013. A LOT of stuff. Amazing Year! | runningandthecity

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