Fun or Speed? Self-Acceptance or Long-Term Goals?

Yesterday I did my first long run in a while, minus a botched one, the only one I did in over a year, last October before NYCM. So… it’s probably been the first one since the marathon in November, and the longest I’ve run since in the three halfs I’ve done in the the last months.
But, since we’ve started the training for the Fall marathon (Berlin), I had to clear my weekends off races and start the LONG RUNS.
After cheering at the 5 miler (sans bikini, as it wasn’t planned to cheer, though still got criticized for the boring runner outfit), Blaise and I set out to do  16 miles.
It wasn’t pretty. I was struggling from the beginning. 
It was 80 degrees.
I wasn’t as hydrated as I should have been.
My nutrition the past few days had not been ideal (shocker!).
Also, Blaise has gotten a lot faster than me. I did my best to keep up and not drag him down.
Of course he swore he was tired, and that if I wanted to quit he would have been ok with it (he wouldn’t! and I wouldn’t!).
Then I realized that’s what most of my runs have came down to lately. 
I run with the bf at least once a week to do speedwork, l have to work really hard in those runs and I still feel like such a slow poke. 
I run with part of the team on Wednesday, and maybe because I had eaten an entire farm the day before or because they’re all so fast, I had problems keeping up. I was sweating fat and inadequacy all the way.
I run during the weekends with my training partner and/or my friend Patricia and I also feel slow, and struggled to keep up.
Suddlendly, I missed they days when I just run with people that were just my pace.
Why is every run a struggle now???
Blaise said not to worry and that it was hard for him too. The BF says how proud he is of me and to also notice I am running with men, yeah, men that are faster than me. And it is gonna make me so much faster down the line (unless I, Pre forbid, injury myself again by pushing too much!).
Yeah, of course, I get it. It’s better for my speed, for my strength, for my stamina and aaaaall that. I know. And I can’t thank them both enough. They’re basically doing my workouts for me.
So, yes, it IS better for my speed and time goals long-term (though it’s frustrating sometimes), but it’s not better for my running mojothough. So, with that said. I am heading out alone right now for a few junk miles at the slowest pace I can do without walking, and bringing my music with me. I need me some fun too.

Fun or Speed? Self-Acceptance or Long-Term Goals?

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